At what point does something stop being a story and start being reality?

I was thinking about this recently, because ever since I have all of my medical stuff go on back when I was a teenager, people keep commenting to me that my attitude must be one of the things that got me through it all. And while they are not wrong, it made me realize that there are a lot of things about who I am growing up to be that were 100% shaped by the medical events of my childhood.

I think that a lot of this stuff has been coming up because I have FINALLY started writing my book! It is about my theory on stroke and brain injury recovery. It talks about the three pillars of good health and recovery (nutrition, fitness and mindset). It talks about vascular malformations like my AVM and why there is just so much that we can do that sometimes doesn’t get done. It has my story and a breakdown of how you can start living a life fueled by recovery and wellness instead of therapy and prescriptions.

But I am finding this to be an exceptionally heavy, emotionally-charged thing for me to be working on! It is bringing up things that I thought I had buried for good… turns out that supressing things doesn’t actually help us deal with them.

So I am taking the month of September to go within, reflect and hopefully at the end of it all, I will have a clearer idea of a few things that have been weighing rather heavily on me lately. Coming to terms with the fact that it has been almost 25 years since my first stroke (March Break 1998), and the fact that after ALL THAT TIME, I still have limitations and struggles due to that event (the second stroke in 2001 didn’t help either!)… well, that is just a total bummer.

I don’t like the struggling and the limitations that the strokes I had gave me. I miss playing the piano and guitar. I miss being able to run, jump or climb. These little things that are so crucial as we grow up, well… I had to give that all up a few years sooner than most people. I struggle with simple everyday tasks, like opening jars and dicing vegetables just because my hand doesn’t work. As much as I have learned to work around a lot of these things, I want to just find acceptance of this. Acceptance of these struggles and an increased ability to see the good that always comes out of them. Acceptance of my present limitations and a drive to push past them. Acceptance that this is where my life has gone and continues to go, and acceptance of the fact that while I may never get completely 100% “better”, this whole experience has made me a much stronger, aware and snazzier person from it all.

So what’s my point? September is going to be a month where I start figuring out how I define myself, my goals and my life path. I seek direction, bravery and fortitude to go forth in that direction and take on whatever adventures lay ahead. I have been at a fabulous job for more than a year now and seem to  have slipped into “adulting” with no real trouble.

I don’t actually know why I have such a hard time accepting the strokes and limitations that they have presented me. I mean, I am pretty much used to it by this point… but there are still (daily) reminders of all of the things that hold me back.

Good thing I would much rather focus on the things that push me forward! And I am super lucky and blessed that in my life, I have many of these things – my amazing boyfriend Alex (who is one of my greatest sources of support hands down), my incredible family, my excellent friends… All of these people add so much to my life and motivate me to want to make it even better.

So September, bring it on! I am ready for you.